One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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