Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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