Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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