Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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