Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
