i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
