I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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