you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Houston, we have a blender
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
