I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
