I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
