She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
