i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
