I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
