"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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