Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
