the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
