I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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