i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
