I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
