she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
