Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
a search helicopter?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
