She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
