she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
