I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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