This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
