hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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