ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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