What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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