So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
