that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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