My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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