this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize