when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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