I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
