Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
