well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
