Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
