I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
