is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize