Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
