I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize