I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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