Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Michael Bay diarrhea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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