Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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