porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
