Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
