An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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