Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize