The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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