Me too!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We don't watch enough power rangers
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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