I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
