what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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