yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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