Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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