i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
