wat bout pragnant strippers??
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
