I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
