HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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