Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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