i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize