Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
