in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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