She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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