Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
