found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
this is an emotional support booty call
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
