dude i'm inner monologue high
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
