to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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