I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you never un-have a 4some
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
