i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
